In “Parenting, Inc.,” journalist Pamela Paul delves into the phenomenon of modern American parents spending a bundle on their bundles of joy. She investigates the marketing hype that targets parental guilt, causing US moms and dads to spend, according to a Wall Street Journal estimate, over $1 million to raise a child.
Overpriced gadgetry is all the rage, Paul says, and, as a mom, I know it’s true. A Manhattan friend who recently had her first child told me that she felt like a social leper pushing a stroller that was not the trendy $800 Bugaboo.
Paul reveals how the brightly colored Bugaboos, which are adorable and handle like a dream, became the transportation de rigueur. An American mom living in Amsterdam discovered the Bugaboo, already popular and affordable there for years. She brought the Dutch product stateside and was literally accosted on the street by people wanting to know where to get one. She launched the US marketing for Bugaboo and simultaneously contacted the producers of HBO’s “Sex and the City,” who used the stroller on the show when character Miranda had a baby. An instant frenzy and a six-month waiting list resulted.
“The more we spend . . . the more we care,” is a mantra these days, says Paul.
Delayed parenthood and long work hours make us older and wealthier when we have kids, Paul reports, but also cause us to overcompensate when it comes to buying baby stuff and paying for services. Take the relatively new phenomenon of registering for gifts when a baby is on the way. “Where we choose to register and for what comes to symbolize the type of parent we want to be and the way in which we want to raise our children,” Paul writes.
But it’s not just gadgets and toys for every stage of development that’s costing families a fortune. There are also myriad parenting services and classes available – and many parents can’t get enough. In addition to Chinese lessons, baby sign language, music appreciation and BabyWOW 3.0, there are people to tell you what you are doing wrong at every turn. Pass up their advice and your child may miss the baby genius boat. “Rather than experiencing buyer’s remorse, parents are plagued with the fear of abstainer’s remorse,” Paul says. “We are scared not to spend on our kids.”
My Bugaboo-less friend suffered the indignity of having her son rejected for admission at a nursery school he won’t be old enough to attend for at least another year.
The mothers interviewed in Paul’s book want to avoid this kind of failure and shame. “You have the power to impact your child’s future success!” claims one online parenting Web site. “The future of our society depends on the type of parenting our children receive . . . [A parent coach] can help you develop . . . a plan in which you use your positive influence to guide your child toward reaching his or her greatest potential.”
The parents who buy this argument will also hire the private school advisor who, for a fee of $10,000, will try to get your kid into that elite nursery school so he can finger paint with the hoity-toity instead of the hoi polloi.
At the crux of all this conspicuous consumption seems to be the trend toward what Paul calls “outsourcing parenting.” Parents, especially moms of all ages, like to weigh in with advice-free advice. But phone-a-friend seems to have lost out to professionals. A service called Momcierge can organize your child’s home library. A bike tutor will get your kids off training wheels – so you don’t have to! And you don’t want to know about Booty Camp for potty training.
Paul says that all this “outsourcing can perpetuate our lost confidence.” The author’s own problems nursing her son probably stemmed less from the almonds and walnuts that the lactation professionals told her to avoid than from her own “fretting about all the dread scenarios.” In other words, “common sense often trumps the experts’ opinions.”
In a world where birthday parties at FAO Schwartz start at $25,000 for up to 15 people, Paul appreciates the benefits of keeping it simple. A birthday party where butcher paper is rolled out and kids can paint on the floor, Paul concludes would be fun – and they might get into Harvard anyway.
Susan Konig is the author of “I Wear the Maternity Pants in This Family.”
Parenting, Inc.
How We Are Sold on $800 Strollers, Fetal Education, Baby Sign Language, Sleeping Coaches, Toddler Couture and Diaper Wipe Warmers – and What it Means for Out Children
by Pamela Paul
Times Books