Yes, ‘tis the season, and so forth. Clear your throats, put your stocking caps on, and let’s go annoy the neighbors a little bit, shall we?
Onward:
“Santana Baby”
(Sung to “Santa Baby”)
Santana baby, hope that elbow’s well on the mend
The trend
Is day-to-day becomes season-end
Santana baby, so hurry to St. Lucie real soon
Santana baby, Halladay and Lackey and Lee
Won’t be
Joining you at spacious Citi
Santana baby, you might be
15 games out by June
Think of all the angst that you missed
While you sat on the disabled list
Next year you might be all alone
Your team might stink worse than Bayonne
Boo doo bee doo
Santana baby, hope you can return back to form
Transform
Your team to piping hot from lukewarm
Santana baby, you can’t get back to Flushing too soon.
“Good Luck to Ye, Bill Sheridan”
(Sung to “God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen”)
Good luck to ye Bill Sheridan
And may ye please accept
These parting gifts from Giants fans
Who scream that you’re inept
Your players tackle like they’re sleepy
And don’t intercept
Is there time to turn all of this around?
Smiles from frowns?
Only if you got to play Mangini’s Browns . . .
“I Saw Tiger Kissing Cori Rist”
(Sung to “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”)
I saw Tiger kissing Cori Rist
Jamie Grubbs and Rachel Uchitel
Don’t forget old Joslyn James
One of nineteen dozen names
Sure to hit the papers in the all-time
Game of Kiss-And-Tell
Then I heard Tiger on the voicemail tape
Sounding like he never did before
He can handle Phil and Singh
But his wife’s another thing
Now that Elin’s out for blood . . . and . . . more!
“Playing Like a Rookie Knucklehead”
(Sung to “Walking in a Winter Wonderland”)
Slide feet first, don’t be dopey
When you’re benched, don’t be mopey
There’s still much to learn
Before class adjourns
Playing Like a Rookie Knucklehead
Here’s the plays, color-coded
Here’s the script, go and quote it
There’s still much to fix
At seven and six
Playing Like a Rookie Knucklehead
When you dive head first I go ballistic
And I tell the press you’re still a pup
Will you learn? I’ll say I’m optimistic
Or I’ll be in your jock and in your cup
Schotty see that he’s protected
Or he’ll do the unexpected
I’ll ring both your necks
Or my name ain’t Rex
Playing Like a Rookie Knucklehead
“Blue Knicks-mas”
(Sung by Donnie Walsh to “Blue Christmas”)
I’ll have a blue Knicks-mas without you
I’m overdue waiting to sign you
Cleveland fears that you’ll come here
New York waits until the date
July First whets my thirst
That’s when we will pursue
I’ll have a blue Knicks-mas without you
If you decide Ohio’s about you
Oh this drought will not run out
Who knows when we’ll win again?
It’s a blue, blue, blue, blue, blue . . .
Knicks-mas
VAC’S WHACKS
* I like Nick Johnson fine, and he will be a nice bat in the Yankees lineup, but what happened to the “flexible” DH slot the Bombers have been talking about for so long? I understand Hideki Matsui’s injury record, but it isn’t as if Johnson has been making a run to take the “Iron Horse” nickname away from Lou Gehrig.
* It will be overlooked because there’s a fairly substantial football game occurring opposite it today, but that St. John’s-Hofstra Holiday Festival opener at the Garden ought to be a nice throwback New York basketball meeting, and well worth your time.
* I didn’t exactly have a quarrel with Bob Knight giving it good to old Coach Calipari the other day, but it is pretty funny getting chapter and verse on integrity from a guy who, among other things, once assaulted a Puerto Rican cop, once stuffed an LSU fan in a garbage can, and only took liberties with his players on about a thousand different occasions.
* I suppose it’s a sign of progress that Knicks fans were complaining about tough losses that should have been wins this week, rather than overall general complaining, right?