First, the big news: “Idol” opens with Ryan Seacrest telling us someone has been eliminated from the competition because of “information obtained with the cooperation of law enforcement.” Oooh, juicy! I won’t make you wait until the middle of the recap to reveal what it is (like the Seacrest did): Jermaine Jones got the boot. Apparently Jermaine, if that’s his real name, fancies using fake monikers all over town, which is rather illegal. And there was an incident with a fight. The point being there are four outstanding warrants for Jermaine’s arrest, so Nigel Lythgoe tells he is prohibited from continuing in the competition. The guy looked genuinely terrified and sad that he’d been found out, and on national television no less. He seems like a good guy, so hopefully he has a strong career in music ahead of him – one where he can use his own name.
Tonight’s format involves the contestants singing songs from the year they were born. But guess what? Most of the songs they perform are really covers of songs originally performed long before they were born. “Endless Love” is stated to be a Mariah Carey ballad, but I think Diana Ross would beg to differ. “When a Man Loves a Woman” is not a Michael Bolton song. It’s Michael Bolton covering Percy Sledge. So many covers of covers! It’s all so meta.
Finally, it’s nice to see the stylists are really starting to work on these bums. They’re really starting to look bright and shiny, like stars! Let’s get to it and review the performances, loosely ranked from best to worst:
Joshua Ledet (“When a Man Loves a Woman” by Michael Bolton) Louisiana native and preacher’s son Joshua takes us all to church with this one, even ripping off his jacket mid-song when he’s really letting it out. He sings with so much emotion he’s like a singing and dancing gland. The judges leap out of their seats long before the song ends, and J.Lo. says it’s the best thing she’s seen on “Idol,” ever.
Hollie Cavanagh (“The Power of Love” by Celine Dion) Teensy Hollie lets it rip on this ballad, and her tone even matches Celine’s. She’s in a tough spot, being the only performer left after Joshua took everyone out for crawfish, and she steps it up. I predict she will be around until the end.
Phillip Phillips (“Hard to Handle” by the Black Crowes) Phillip grrrrs his way through another well-chosen song. Even sans guitar, he has a strong stage presence and sense of musicality. It helps he’s a looker and has an easy-to-remember name.
Elise Testone (“Let’s Stay Together” by Al Green) Elise totally bombed last week, so it was nice to see her get back to work rasping it up and waving her arm around as she sings. Unfortunately, Elise keeps forgetting to bring her personality, because she consistently gives this fake half-smile and just doesn’t have the charisma that makes you want to vote for her.
Colton Dixon (“Broken Heart” by White Lion) I have come to accept that Colton is good at what he does, which is alt-rock ballads sung in a boyish voice. He makes the mistake of selecting a song no one knows (and no one has covered!), but he performs it well, hitting some solid notes. But I’ll say this, the skinny pants are creepy.
Skylar Laine (“Love Sneakin’ Up on You” by Bonnie Raitt) Skylar is hands-down the best performer on the show. She has an ease on stage that none of the other contestants can match. She picks a rock song by a country performer, so she’s well within her safe place, but again, she performs the hell out of it.
Jessica Sanchez (“Turn the Beat Around” by Gloria Estefan). Jessica, with the amazing Jennifer Hudson-ish voice, messes up royally by choosing this quick, staccato song. The judges agree she’s got too much vibrato in her voice for this one, and I think she bombs her big note before the faux-dramatic pause she put into the song. Also, your voice doesn’t need to warble on every extended note.
Erika Van Pelt (“Heaven” by Bryan Adams) Erika picks a good song for her voice, but she messes with the arrangement, which makes it weird. You can tweak a song to make it your own, but don’t change it so that it makes it sound like you messed it up or missed a beat. You’re welcome, contestants. Erika looks fantastic, and the judges think so too. Her hair and outfit are a definite improvement from her former tiny vest days.
Shannon Magrane (“One Sweet Day” by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men). Hopefully America will figure out soon, as I have, that Shannon is cute, sweet and probably a friend of the animals, but she’s also very young and very inexperienced. And in this case, she’s trying too hard. I totally disagree with judges, who say she’s relaxed and delivers the goods on this song. She loses her breath and is off on several notes. She’ll be really great in a few years, but her youth stands out here.
DeAndre Brackensick (“Endless Love” by Mariah Carey) Jimmy Iovine and Will.I.Am talk DeAndre into this song, and DeAndre unfortunately takes their advice. Such is life. Thankfully, for most of the song, he takes the Luther Vandross/Lionel Ritchie part, until he can’t help himself and jumps up into his falsetto. It’s a boring rendition — almost as boring as talking about DeAndre’s hair.
Heejun Han (“Right Here Waiting” by Richard Marx) Finally, Heejun’s airy voice and its faults are exposed. This was a mess, sharp in so many places and really challenging to listen to. Heejun’s role as the crack-up of the group might keep him safe, but I think it may be the end for Heejun tonight. I predict it will come down to Heejun and Elise, whose blah personality is going to cost her votes. Heejun’s mom has more spark than Elise.
Who’s with me? Who’s going home tonight? I’ll be right here waiting for your predictions (cue gong).