Some story ideas for Goop magazine’s inaugural issue

While most publications make the jump from print to digital, Goop — always a trendsetter! — is doing the opposite. On Friday, the Gwyneth Paltrow-led site and e-commerce shop announced that it will partner with Anna Wintour and Condé Nast on a quarterly print issue, beginning this September.

According to WWD, most of the magazine will be produced by Goop’s editors, with artistic collaboration from Condé Nast. The print issues will have the same focus as the site, spanning such topics as wellness, food, style, and travel.

We have a few suggestions for articles:

The Goop staffers’ guide to sneaking a therapy pet past office security

Nearly anything passes as a therapy pet these days: there are therapy bunnies, therapy birds, therapy goats. But not everyone’s a fan — therapy dogs are a no-go at Condé Nast’s offices, Page Six reported last month. This handy how-to will help readers navigate the fuzzy role stress-reducing pets play in career success — and if an intrepid Goop editor has to sneak her schnauzer into Condé HQ for her journalism, so be it.

Here’s exactly how to spend your money — all of it — in America’s every city, town, municipality, village . . .

With GP’s knack for seeking out the best — and priciest — experiences in trendy cities, and Condé Nast’s Vogue’s budding curiosity in exploring new frontiers (remember when they suggested a visit to Newark?), there’s a real opportunity to speak to the Goop go-anywhere girl, whose wanderlust is as unlimited as her funds. Let’s help her lose herself — and her life savings — in Stamford. Or New London. Or Ronkonkoma! Why not?

How to practice conscious uncoupling with food

Goop has built a case against nearly every ingredient out there, from grains and dairy to meat and fruit. Let’s round them all up into one complete list of banned foods — or, as it’s known to plebians, the entire food pyramid.

Filthy rich: The highbrow centerfolds elite women deserve

No one takes sex more seriously than Goop. The site’s yearly sex guide suggests everything from $1,500 sex toys to organic lube and pleasure-boosting latte dust. So why not give readers the only thing missing: Someone worthy of all that erotic energy, in glorious display. Like Playboy, for the female 1%.

Subscriber bonus: Sign up for a year, get 5% off Goop’s new crystal-of-the-month club!

It’s no secret that Gwyneth’s crazy for crystals — Goop even recommends sticking jade up your hoo-ha (see: above suggestion). But actually venturing into a new-age store to purchase said geodes? Not so Goop-y. Like Allure’s branded beauty box, signing up for a crystal club upon subscribing to the mag would give readers the chance to experience the same healing rocks they’re reading about, without having to source them themselves. Two birds, one (very expensive) stone.