‘Rocky’ superfan ranks the franchise, from worst to best

7. 'ROCKY V'

1990

When I think of “Rocky V,” I think of the Red Sox winning the 2004 American League Championship Series: It never should have happened. And we should acknowledge this movie only in hushed tones. Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) retires, and all of a sudden, his flashy cars are being carted away. He’s lost millions and has to move into Paulie’s (Burt Young) house in the old ’hood.

The alternative title should be “The MC Hammer Story.” (He coincidentally provided the terrible “That’s What I Said” for the soundtrack.)

Rocky has fallen so far that he’s fighting a mini-mulleted Tommy “Machine” Gunn (played by the late Tommy Morrison) — in the streets. The streets! He went from the world stage in IV to the seedy pavement of Philly. Have some damn respect for yourself, Rocky.

Redeemable Moment: Elton John’s cheesy but catchy ballad, “Measure of a Man.”

6. 'ROCKY BALBOA'

2006

Picture this: It’s 2006. Rocky is an old dude now. His beloved wife, Adrian (Talia Shire), has died, and he owns a restaurant serving basic Italian fare. He has no business fighting a young buck, played by Antonio Tarver. (Or perhaps even making another “Rocky” movie after “V.”) But he does. And if you think this picture inspires little confidence, you wouldn’t be alone. It was downright ridiculous.

To ensure I enjoyed it, I took a bus to Philadelphia with a childhood friend and watched it in an old theatre with rickety seats. Afterward, we ran up the museum steps. So my take on it may be clouded by nostalgia, but despite its cheap plot, the movie was surprisingly heavy on the heartstrings. Paulie has mellowed, Stallone still has the chops to box, and he reconnects with his son.

Highlight: Milo Ventimiglia (“This is Us”) plays his son.

5. 'CREED'

2015

If you’re a superfan, you have to appreciate the relative ease in which the Rocky formula is transferred to Apollo Creed’s wayward illegitimate son, Adonis, played by the hunky Michael B. Jordan. In the movie, all Balboa wants to do is keep his restaurant afloat (maybe land a spot in the new Zagat guide) but “Donnie” wants to fight. And since destiny brought them together, they’re going to continue the great Creed-Balboa legacy.

Pivoting to a completely different character could have been the equivalent of a sitcom mom birthing a baby to breathe new life into a stale show. But instead, Jordan — and director Ryan Coogler (“Black Panther”) — served up a cinematic knockout. And Stallone was nominated for an Oscar and won a Golden Globe. It was “Rocky” for a new generation — complete with a hip-hop soundtrack — without leaving the old man and central underdog storyline in the dust. (Have I mentioned how pumped I am for “Creed II”?)

Highlight: Rocky is ailing, but he still makes it up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art — just like old times.

4. 'ROCKY III

1982

This entry is special for many reasons, but most importantly, it’s when we’re introduced to Survivor’s get-off-your-ass anthem, “Eye of the Tiger.”

It’s also the point where Balboa goes from unlikely champion to full-fledged crossover, commercial superstar.

The southpaw is on the cover of L’Uomo Vogue, People magazine and even appears on “The Muppet Show.” He’s doing AmEx commercials, and landing prestige campaigns like Nikon, Maserati and DeLorean. (How are those last two not a conflict?)

Rocky is what we’d call “oversaturated” today. He’s flaunting his wealth and dressing like the president of JP Morgan. Even Adrian is shedding her practical, working-class ways. She’s got more furs than an Antonovich showroom and enjoying the good life.

In the ring, he’s slicing through subpar opponents like Kramer beating all the kids in karate class.

He’s on top of the world, and it’s making a jealous Paulie hit the sauce again. It’s also fueling the rise of a ruthless upstart in feather earrings named Clubber Lang (aka Mr. T).

And despite his riches and fame, something is missing. That something is summed up by Mickey (Burgess Meredith), who says: “The worst thing happened to you that could happen to any fighter: You got civilized.”

Sadly, this is when Mickey dies of a heart attack, and Rocky realizes his bank account is no substitute for hunger. With the help of one-time rival Creed, he rediscovers his original fire. The fight scenes with Clubber are among the best, while the slow-motion beach jog with Creed is so bad, it’s wonderful.

Highlight: Hulk Hogan plays “Thunderlips,” a greased up, peacocking heel who travels with a harem and fights Rocky for charity. It’s a delightful touch of camp.

3. 'ROCKY IV'

1985

Ranking “Rocky IV” above “Rocky III” is as controversial as Creed beating the Italian Stallion by split decision. But the third movie didn’t have a “Short Circuit”-like robot, a heart-pounding soundtrack that could motivate an expired person to rise from the dead to win the NYC marathon and the chilling line: “If he dies, he dies.”

And it didn’t have Rocky up against a murderous Soviet villain and evil government intent on dominating both the ring and the globe. Rocky was fighting for his life. And he was fighting for America.

As Apollo Creed said, “This is us against them.”

When Drago had the nerve to send Creed to a public dirt nap even after James Brown sang the very patriotic song, “Living in America,” Rocky knew he had to fight again. He traveled to the Soviet Union to train in treacherous conditions, outrunning KGB agents in the snow and even taking the time to be a good Samaritan by helping a local man right his overturned buggy. And he did it all while wearing a non-breathable, shearling-lined leather bomber jacket.

He showed us, that despite all his riches and fame, Rocky Balboa is no prima donna. And that America rules.

Highlight: Paulie’s nontraditional relationship with his talking robot girlfriend — who delivers him beers as he lounges at the dinner table in a stained wife beater. La vida!

2. 'ROCKY II'

1979

If the sequel had been a bust, it’s possible the future franchise could have been torpedoed, and we’d be stuck with Stallone throwing all of his energy behind “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot” sequels with the late, great Estelle Getty. The alternate reality is a frightening one.

Thankfully, his follow-up was brilliant enough to build the bridge so that Rocky might live to fight Drago (Dolph Lundgren), buy Paulie a talking robot, open a restaurant in Philly and train the illegitimate son of Apollo Creed. Therefore, Rocky II is pivotal and deserves the second spot.

The sequel is full of classic lines such as, “Condominiums, I never use them,” and Mickey’s inspirational quote: “You’re gonna eat lightning. You’re gonna crap thunder.” Great one-liners aside, this movie establishes the narrative that will guide every subsequent flick: No matter how hard the Italian Stallion tries to move on from boxing, he will be sucked back into the ring in some capacity.

Now a married man trying to find honest work, Rocky — who only has a 9th-grade education — is struggling to pay the bills. Frustrated with his noncareer and egged on by Creed’s nonstop public calls for a rematch, he decides to fight again, against the wishes of his new bride, Adrian.

And central to the endearing nature of Rocky II is Adrian emerging as his muse.

After she faints, gives birth to their son and slips into a vaguely explained coma, Rocky becomes distracted from training and does nothing but sit by her side in the hospital and pray at church. But when she awakens and tells him to win, that’s when the light is turned on and the thrilling training montage is delivered.

With Adrian’s wind at his back, he’s catching chickens and inspiring half of Philly’s juvenile population to run through the streets with him and up the art museum steps.

And he does it all while wearing holey gray sweats — a get-up Vetements could sell for a cool $1,000 now. As for the fight, we see that his first bout with Creed was no fluke. I’m crying just thinking about it.

Hidden Delight: In one scene, Rocky is washing his pooch, Butkus, in his bathtub and behind him are Holiday Inn towels, which means he’s just like us: He steals hotel towels.

1. 'ROCKY'

1976

The 1976 flick was an unparalleled underdog tale both on and off the screen. It introduced us to the greatest sports movie character of all time, who could go the distance in the ring and at the box office — even more than 40 years after the fact. The original “Rocky” made us fall in love with Meredith as Mickey and associate gray sweat suits with aerobic fitness.

It also made my older brother drink raw eggs in the morning. We all wanted to be Rock, but when we meet this struggling bum of a boxer from Philly who earned money by collecting for a loan shark, he’s a nobody fighter. He lives in a dark, dirty house, where he gives pep talks to his turtles Cuff and Link. He’s not exactly on the fast track to success.

His luck changes when he’s handpicked to box the undefeated champion, Apollo Creed — who is fighting in the City of Brotherly Love to celebrate the US Bicentennial. Between the fierce blows, Rocky is a beautiful love story between the fighter and the painfully shy pet-shop worker Adrian, played by Shire.

Meanwhile, Stallone wrote the screenplay in just three and a half days. It was made for $1 million but earned a whopping $225 million.

It was nominated for 10 Academy Awards and took home three, including Best Picture. It catapulted Stallone into a different stratosphere and created a whole new genre of music that I’ll call “motivational instrumental.” And let’s not forget Frank Stallone’s classic: “Take You Back.”

Seasonal Treat: In cinema’s best Thanksgiving movie scene ever, a drunken Paulie berates his sister, Adrian, and tosses her holiday turkey out the back door, screaming, “You want the bird? Go in the alley and eat the bird.”