These Christmas carols tell story of New York sports in 2021

Every year, I wonder, is there enough material to clear our throats and join together in the community of song. And then, every year, I look at the standings in the newspaper. And I ask you to lend your voices to the call … 

“Good Day to You, Dave Gettleman” 

(Sung to “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”) 

Good day to you, Dave Gettleman 
It’s time for you to go 
You said you’d turn Big Blue around 
As Santa says, “Ho, Ho!” 
Instead you built the worst disaster 
Since the Alamo 
Yes the Jints stink top-down just like a fish
(Blame Mara/Tisch) 
Tear-the-whole-thing-down’s
The overwhelming wish. 

Good luck to you, Dave Gettleman
Who built this blue morass
Your D is built on tape and glue 
Your offense fiberglass 
And when you walk don’t let the front door 
Hit you in the … um, arse 
Yes the fans blame you and they hold a grudge 
(Also Joe Judge) 
Clean the Meadowlands 
Before it turns to sludge. 

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“Stumbling Around the Meadowlands” 

(Sung to “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree”) 

Stumbling around the Meadowlands
It’s the J-E-T-S Jets 
Haven’t been fine since ’69 
As the fans spit epithets. 

Bumbling around the Meadowlands 
Robert Saleh’s beaten stare
Can’t play D or kick for 3 
And the offense is threadbare 

You will get a queasy little feeling
When you see 
Wilson throws that bounce and flutter
Johnson’s fingers glazed with butter 

Grumbling around the Meadowlands 
Even Ira’s gone to tears 
Watching this slop and football flop 
For the past … fif … ty … two … years! 

6

“Sanchez Baby” 

(Sung to “Santa Baby,” assist by Rob Ricco) 

Sanchez baby 
Catch a slider outside the zone, for me 
You’ve been a disappointing Yankee Sanchez baby 
So hurry to the backstop tonight 

Chapman baby 
Don’t throw the hanger when you can hit 103 
No smiles when the save goes badly 
Chapman baby 
And hurry to the DL tonight. 

Think of all the cash Hal’s mined
Think of all the stars he could’ve signed 
Next year we coulda won the whole cigar 
If Cash had only signed Story or Seager 

Cashman cutie 
Fill your lineup with righty dreck 
Those checks, 
Stanton signed right here on the X 
Cashman baby, 
Don’t give us analytics tonight 

6

“It’s the Mets’ Wonderful Time of the Year” 

(Sung to “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”) 

It’s the Mets’ wonderful time of the year
When the hot stove’s a-blazing 
They’re downright amazing
No boos in their ears! 
It’s the Mets’ wonderful time of the year 

It’s the Mets-Metsiest season of all
No bumps and no bruises 
No lame-ass excuses 
For lousy baseball 
It’s the Mets-Metsiest season of all …. 

There’s Jake and there’s Scherzer
(A true life preserver) 
And Marte, Cano and McNeil 
There’s Alonso for swatting 
With Showalter plotting 
A late-inning sneak triple-steal 
It’s the most Mets-iest time of the year 

There are no games for losing 
No hamstrings for bruising 
Not even Bronx cheers! 
It’s the most Mets-iest time … 
Of … the … year …! 

6

“New York Still Has 1 or 2 Cool Sports Things” 

(Sung to “A Few of my Favorite Things”) 

Kevin Durant, who’s the best on the planet 
Igor Shesterkin, with stones made of granite 
NYCFC with champion’s rings 
New York still has 1 or 2 cool sports things 

Rick at Iona and Mike with the Johnnies 
(Lest you forget my beloved dear Bonnies) 
Seton Hall might be a bear come the spring 
New York still has 1 or 2 cool sports things … 

So the Jets stink 
So the Knicks reek 
So the Isles are dead … 
So baseball is brawling 
(It’s gross and appalling) 
We still have
Zibanejad! 

Saquon in space when he isn’t gang tackled 
Julius when hot and Kyrie when unshackled 
Stanton and Judge & the Polar Bear’s swings
New York still has 1 or 2 cool sports things

Vac’s Whacks

I happen to like analytics. But looking at the way the Chargers over-thought themselves into a crushing loss the other night against the Chiefs by being hooked up to the Analytics IV, it’s easy to understand why some might feel differently. 

6

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There are a lot of other things caving down on the sports world right now, but the most obvious one seems to be keeping the NHL players away from the Olympics, right? 

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No one was more thrilled with Gil Hodges’ (right) election to the Hall of Fame than Carl Erskine, the last surviving Brooklyn Dodger from 1955 who turned 95 last week. “Gil was the enforcer of our infield,” Erskine says. “He prevented so many fights when opposing players wanted to get at Jackie [Robinson]. No one wanted to tangle with Gil.” 

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Miles McBride now. Why can’t Knicks fans have nice things?

Whack Back at Vac

Ron Weintraub: How awesome is it to have the best two performers in their sports in New York — Jacob deGrom and Kevin Durant? We hardly ever have the top player in their sport now we have two. Amazing. Appreciate, the beauty of Durant’s game. 

Vac: That seems like a fine holiday thing to be thankful for. 

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John Sullivan: Unfortunately for the Giants, there is no George Young coming through the door to rescue us from the abyss this time. Also, no Bill Parcells … no Bill Belichick … no Lawrence Taylor. … But things could always be worse. We could be Jets fans. 

Vac: Though you could see that kicker coming a mile away … it still makes you smile that the intramural rivalry still breathes. 

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@BartBusterma: Meyer has brought new meaning to the phrase “Urban Legend.” 

@MikeVacc: I’m thinking Notre Dame, among others, feels like it dodged a bullet with this one. He was rumored to be coach-in-waiting there for years. 

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Ron Freiman: I see where you mentioned the banner flying over Giants Stadium back in 1978. Well, I’m still here rooting for the Giants, Knicks and Syracuse. Just maybe I’ll have a winner one of these years. It’s been a long time since I arranged that event, but things are still the same. 

Vac: Yep, that’s the fan who helped arrange the banner flying over Giants Stadium all those years ago. If you’d like to thank him for the four Super Bowl rings that came between, I’ll pass those greetings along.