I was celibate for 11 years — I got a $30 sperm donor kit because love isn’t real

Celibate good times, c’mon.

A UK woman who swore off sex 11 years ago gave birth in a unique way — by artificially inseminating herself with a $30 sperm kit she purchased online.

“It’s worked out bizarrely well,” Verity Jones, 35, told SWNS of her sex-less conception, which occurred in December 2011 after she obtained a baby batter contribution from a willing donor. The Kent native gave birth the following September to a daughter named Holly, now 10 years old —who is fully aware how she came about.

This marked a long time (not) coming for the proud single mom,’ who became celibate a whopping 11 years ago following a sex-istential crisis.

“It just kind of happened by accident 11 years ago when I was 24,” the philosophy student said. “One day I just thought, ‘What’s the point in this?'”

It wasn’t for lack of enjoyment. “I’m pansexual, so I’d mostly been with women — but some men too,” she explained. “I enjoyed sex a lot before that — it wasn’t like I wasn’t having it or committed to God.”

She added, “One day I just thought what’s the point in this, maybe it was an early midlife crisis but I was just fed up of noncommitted fun.”

Despite abstaining from the sack, Jones still wanted to have a baby — which presented a major conflict of interest. “I had a bizarre dream about me being pregnant with a baby, it must’ve just been my biology telling me to hurry up,” the Brit explained. “But I couldn’t just go and have a baby with a random guy.”

Thankfully, the resourceful woman devised a way to create life sans breaking her vow.

“I organized a sperm donor online and inseminated myself,” boasted Jones of her celibacy circumvention method. “People with a lot of money go through doctors and things but I just signed some papers.”

“He delivered his sperm in a donation pot and by some miracle it worked first time,” added the proud mother.

Lo and behold, she gave birth to her daughter, Holly, effectively refraining from throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

As an added bonus, the donor delivered his contribution free of charge, meaning Jones only had to pay £25 (around $30) for travel costs.

Naturally, artificial insemination might seem like a complex concept for a child to grasp. However, Jones says Holly “loves” her mum’s life-making choice and hopes it “can always be the two of them.”

The voluntary celibate doesn’t plan to return to the land of the laid anytime soon.

“When I became celibate I thought I was choosing not to just for then, and thought maybe once Holly was older I would go back to it,” Jones said. “But as time went on I hated the idea more and more — never again do I want anything like that again.”

“I’m completely celibate in every way — physically and emotionally,” the devout abstainer added.

Jones chalks up her dedication to being “cynical of relationships.” “I don’t believe in true love after hearing so many awful stories and I’d rather her have one parent than be parented by a broken relationship,” the fornication faster insisted. “Being celibate means I can focus on myself rather than thinking about whether I’m pleasing someone else or feeling inferior or worrying I’m not all the things a partner would want.”

Jones says her lifestyle choice has received puzzled reactions from friends and family. “If I post about it on Facebook I get lots of shock faces and people asking, ‘How could that happen?'” the gal lamented. “‘You’re only 35 and already been celibate for eleven years?'”

She added, “People can usually understand [not having] casual sex, but they don’t quite understand the relationship aspect or get why I can be happy. They think I need a partner to be happy.”

Jones added that her mom continues to encourage her to settle down — an idea that gives her shivers.

“I can’t think of anything worse than someone sitting on my sofa waiting for me to do stuff for them,” she declared. “I can barely share the bed with my cat, never mind another person.”

Nonetheless, the celibate admits that “there are times I feel sad that I probably won’t ever have sex again. “If I do I’ll be like 60 and past the age of feeling like an attractive woman,” the Brit lamented.

Ultimately, Jones sums up her abstinence journey like this: “It’s not as if I don’t have desires. I’m not asexual or a robot, I’m a woman and see Johnny Depp in the same way anyone else does — but it only lasts a minute and I move on.”

Jones isn’t the first to go viral after swearing off sex.

Gen Zers made waves last year after banding together on TikTok to form #CelibacyTikTok — a space for young people who have decided to practice abstinence.