Here’s what to fear in the new year — according to Nostradamus and Baba Vanga

As we deck the halls, overindulge and welcome the new year, the time is nigh for predictive calamity — courtesy of two dead prophets of doom, Nostradamus and Baba Vanga.

Nostradamus, or Nos if you’re nasty, was a 16th-century astrologer, plague doctor, accused heretic and bearded seer. He has been credited with foretelling the Great Fire of London, Hitler’s rise to power, the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks and the COVID-19 pandemic.

With the publication of his famed book “Les Prophéties” in 1555, Nostradamus gifted the world and its future generations a quasi-poetic tome that predicts wars, pestilence, natural disasters, civil unrest, political assassinations and other such sunny stuffs.

Though he’s been dead for centuries, his vague, fear mongering poetry continues to be a source of speculative prophecy.

Baba Vanga, known as Nostradamus of the Balkans, was a Bulgarian mystic. After losing her sight in a sand storm, she claimed she was gifted by God with true vision and an ability to see into the future, going on to scare the s–t out of her fellow man.

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Vanga died in 1996, leaving as a parting gift prophecies that extend all the way to 5079, when she speculated the dumpster fire of the world as we know it will end. We got a long way to go my babies — let’s see what it’s in store and what doom awaits.

For funsies, we’ll be comparing the predictions of these two joy-kills against the major astrological transits of 2024, to determine which are most plausible.

Read on with a grain of salt — and an earnest prayer for the days to come.

AI, quantum computing and cyber attacks

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Baba Vanga predicted a technological revolution in 2024, with AI continuing its march towards total takeover and the rise of quantum computing leading to major upheaval in the sectors of finance, healthcare and cybersecurity.

In a similar vein, or wire as it were, Vanga predicted that cyberhackers would amplify threats to national security by targeting infrastructures like power grids and water treatment plants.

Malevolent geeks swinging for the fences of destruction? No good, folks.

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AI rising and cyber terrorism striking are supported by Pluto, planet of the underworld, reckoning and regeneration changing signs from stalwart Capricorn to anything goes Aquarius in 2024.

Aquarius is the sign of the progress at all costs visionary, the revolutionary, the cult leader and the inflexible idealist.

Relative to reckoning, Pluto is where we reap what we have sown and it tracks that the investment we have made in the name of progress; AI, tech, and otherwise would lead to our downfall or ultimate obsolescence.

En masse Pluto in Aquarius equates to serious metamorphosis in systems, structures and social hierarchies.

For reference, the last time Pluto drug his velvet cape through Aquarius was the late 18th century, ushering in both the American and French revolutions and the onset of the Industrial Revolution.

We’re cresting another point of no return my dudes, a critical moment in our human evolution, and another tip-toe towards our collective apocalyptic death wish.

Cancer cures?

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But it ain’t all bad… Vanga predicted we will soon have cures for certain cancers as well as Alzheimer’s disease.

Given the influence of the planet of death moving through the sign of innovation, scientific advancements, particularly those that slow the process of death or the slow decline of cognition are absolutely within the realm of possibility.

Living longer in an increasingly terrifying world? Can dig.

Harry becomes king?

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Among the passages in Nostradamus’s “Les Prophéties” is one that states that a “King of the Isles” will be “driven out by force.”

Readers speculate Nostradamus is referring to the role and reign of King Charles III. Another passage, also allegedly referencing King Chuck, warns “soon afterward [a disastrous war] a new King shall be anointed / Who, for a long time, will appease the earth.”

Elsewhere, Nostradamus, who accurately predicted the death of Queen Elizabeth, hints that Charles will be succeeded by ‘one who will have no mark of a king,’ leading many to speculate that Prince Harry will rise to the throne.

With Pluto bringing the shadows to the light it is possible the next king could be an outsider; a bastard son, an unexpected queen or a new world leader made from the ashes of the incestuous, racist royal paradigm of yore.

Har Bear’s North Node, or karmic point of destiny, is in the early degrees of Gemini and Jupiter, planet of luck and expansion is set to move into the sign of the twins in late May, translating to some serious ordained magic and rapid growth for the world’s most famous redhead.

Will he be king of the isles or find a new kind of sovereignty for himself? Anything is possible, and with Pluto bringing the shadows to the light it is possible the next king could be an outsider; a bastard son, an unexpected queen or a new world leader made from the ashes of the incestuous, racist royal paradigm of yore.

Climate crisis

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You need not be a psychic, prophet or mystic to note that we are deep in the hellscape of a climate crisis with record high temperatures, wildfires, droughts, and marine life extinction dotting the horizon.

Nostradamus predicts that tragic train will keep on running, “The dry earth will grow more parched, and there will be great floods when it is seen.”

All signs and stars point to this prophecy being, in the words of Metallica, sad but true.

Are we all doomed?

Worry not my babies, though the future seems more bleak than bright, the prophets often miss their mark and the bulk of Nostradamus’ most fearsome 2023 predictions have not yet come to pass.

With that in mind, I wish you a happy new year. Onward, forward, cautious and hopeful we carry on.

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.