Teens who jumped ex-DOGE staffer Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine avoid jail, sentenced to probation

Two teenagers who jumped former DOGE staffer Edward “Big Balls” Coristine avoided jail time after pleading guilty to simple assault in a Washington, DC, court Tuesday.

The boy and girl, both 15, from Hyattsvfille, Maryland, were sentenced to probation by a DC court judge, just over two months after the pair were arrested for the vicious Aug. 3 attack, WUSA9 reported.

The boy was handed a 12-month probation and allowed to return home under strict house arrest, while the girl was given a nine-month probation and remanded to a local youth shelter.

The teens also can’t contact each other or linger in DC beyond school, work and family obligations, the judge reportedly ordered.

Judge Kendra D. Briggs stressed she hopes the two assailants, who were not identified because of their age, learn from their stint on probation, WUSA9 reported. 

She said juvenile court is focused on rehabilitating youthful offenders, not handing down punishments.

But White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt ripped into the decision to not lock the two teens up Wednesday while appearing on “The Charlie Kirk Show.”

“One of the big issues in D.C. is these juveniles, they just get a slap on the wrist,” she said, according to the Washington Post. “This administration has a completely different philosophy. We need law and order.”

Their accomplices in the attempted carjacking and assault at approximately 3 a.m. in a DC parking garage remain at large.

“I hope you can figure things out and be ready for the consequences,” Coristine, 19, reportedly told the defendants via video link, as he thanked the courts and police for their quick work in bringing the pair to justice.

Coristine was left with a concussion and a broken nose after he and a female companion were jumped by “a group of 10 guys,” the ex-DOGE employee previously said.

A photo of him bloodied and bruised propelled DC crime woes into the national spotlight with even President Trump addressing the violent bashing.

“We just almost lost a young man, beautiful handsome guy that got the hell knocked out of him,” Trump wrote online at the time.

“If D.C. doesn’t get its act together, and quickly, we will have no choice but to take Federal control of the City, and run this City how it should be run, and put criminals on notice that they’re not going to get away with it anymore.”

The president later took the controversial moves to take over the local police department and ship in the National Guard to patrol city streets until Sept. 10.