How sexy spanking can help with anxiety — and why ‘pre-scene negotiation’ is so important

This slaps!

You’ve tried yoga, meditation and long walks to reduce stress — but have you taken a whack at spanking?

“While it may sound counterintuitive, for some people, ‘impact play’ like spanking can actually help reduce feelings of stress and anxiety through pain, or as many players would term it, ‘intense sensation,’ ” Lisa Finn, a Brooklyn-based sex educator at Babeland, told The Post.

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Impact play can keep you in the moment, interrupting the fretful thought loops that particularly plague those with anxiety or ADHD. 

“Controlled painful stimuli trigger the release of endorphins and endocannabinoids, which are like the body’s natural painkillers and mood boosters,” Finn explained.

“When combined with the rush of hormones released during sexual arousal, pain can register as pleasure, turning intense sensation into something that feels desirable.”

Research suggests that the presence of sexual arousal before or alongside the infliction of pain serves as an analgesic, altering levels of dopamine and oxytocin and leading to the positive anticipation of pain.

Finn notes that control is the guiding theme for people with anxiety, and impact play can offer two pathways to healing.

• Dominants can channel energy into structured control.
• Submissives can give up control in a safe and consensual space.

A 2016 study found that participants who engaged in consensual BDSM behaviors, particularly if they fulfilled the “submissive” role, exhibited a significant decrease in psychological stress.

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Finn believes impact play is an excellent starting point for the stressed-out and kink-curious.

“Spanking is a great way to start exploring BDSM,” she said. “It’s an extremely versatile act — it can be playful or intense and is extremely easy to adjust.”

She recommends establishing comfort levels using a 1-10 scale.

“After each spank, the receiving partner calls out a number: 1 meaning ‘barely felt it’ and 10 meaning ‘too painful,’ ” she added. “This helps both partners calibrate intensity, since what feels like a 5 to one person might feel like a 10 to another.”

The variability of reaction makes communication and consent integral to spanking and any other sexual exploration.

“There is a process called pre-scene negotiation, in which partners discuss expectations, boundaries and desires for the scene, as well as prepare any needed aftercare,” Finn said. “This is also when the essential safe word is agreed upon.”

Finn said it is crucial to be thorough in this process and discuss not just the physical limits but also the emotional and mental boundaries.

“If you’re approaching BDSM in the context of mental health, it should always be done under the guidance of a kink-aware professional, such as a sex therapist, social worker or counselor,” she emphasized. “In addition, the partner should be fully trustworthy.”

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In addition to a human hand, various tools are available for impact play, offering a range of sensations, from a gentle thud to a sharper sting. She encourages partners to explore these options together.

Since BDSM is highly personal, individual experiences can vary widely.

“For some, intense sensations and power play dynamics may trigger anxiety or trauma responses; others may feel uneasy about the potential loss of control, even in fully consensual play,” Finn said. “There is no one way a practitioner of BDSM can be expected to react.”

Arousal alters brain chemistry, meaning that the way we process sensations and emotions during play and how we experience them in our everyday lives is significantly different.

Finn said it’s important to check in afterward, “once you’ve returned to your regular headspace.”

The emotional shift from an aroused, heightened state back to baseline can be a drastic adjustment.

“Having intentional aftercare in place is essential to this transition — whether it’s through physical comfort, emotional support or simply creating a space to process,” she said. “Do not rush aftercare.”

Though spanking can be healing, Finn said it should not serve as a stand-in for medical treatment.

“While BDSM practices can, in some cases, be incredibly supportive tools for managing anxiety and stress, they should be used in conjunction with professional care,” she said. “They should not be seen as a substitute for medical or mental health treatment.”