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We have the same conversations every date

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Q.

I went on a couple dates with this woman and it’s always been good, and the conversations are nice, but I’m still not feeling any sparks or any feelings for her. 

There’s also this thing where sometimes we’ll have the same conversation we did a few dates before – because she forgot, I guess? And asked me the same thing again? 

I can’t tell if that’s a red flag or she’s just forgetful. But if I haven’t felt anything for her after four dates, do I stop dating/seeing her (because it feels like I’m leading her on), or should I give it more dates to see?

Or should I be platonic friends with her because I do like hanging out with her?

– Dating

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A.

At Date 5 I think it’s OK to check in and say, “Hey, this has been feeling platonic to me. What do you think?”

I suggest turning it into a question because sometimes saying the honest, transparent thing inspires others to do the same. Occasionally, that’s when sparks fly – or not, and then you know.

Maybe she’ll say, “I’m totally into you, actually, and I’ve been so nervous that I haven’t known what to talk about.” That might answer a bunch of questions.

She might also stare at you and say, “Yeah, actually, I have another date two hours from now,” and then you’ll know she’s not that invested in any of it.

If she’s having lots of dates, it might be hard for her to remember who answered what questions. My thoughts on the repeat conversations: it could be alcohol, nerves, and not fully being present in the moment. I’m not excusing it, but … who knows?

I find it curious that something about this whole situation is keeping you in. To me, four mediocre dates means moving on. But you’re still interested in something, even friendship. That’s why I say: check in. “How’s this going for you? Think we’re building a friendship? Or more?” Get her answers. See how you feel about them.

– Meredith

Readers? LW says there are no sparks, so … more dates? A friendship? Why the curiosity? Could this be about the LW not wanting to get back out there to find someone new?

Ask questions about dates, no dates, love, divorce, breakups, getting back out there, in-law drama, or whatever,  through the anonymous form – or email [email protected].

Dating

Featured Comment

You don’t feel anything for her after 4 dates, I’d recommend spending your time wisely, doing things you enjoy with people you love being with (or by yourself), end this and look for someone you DO feel something for when you are ready.

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