‘Fountain of Youth’ Review: John Krasinski and Natalie Portman Play Squabbling Siblings on a Mission in Guy Ritchie’s Ho-Hum Apple TV+ Actioner

And by location, I mean locations!  The story begins with an elaborately choreographed chase sequence throughout the crowded streets of Bangkok; moves on to another vehicular chase throughout the less crowded streets of London; takes a dip into the Irish sea for a sequence involving the raising of the Lusitania; swings by Vienna for a big fight scene actually shot at the Austrian National Library; and winds up in Cairo and the Pyramids of Giza. This is the sort of project where it’s hard to tell whether everyone involved did it for the money or the frequent-flyer miles.

Krasinski plays Luke, the sort of quippy renegade who clearly watched too many Indiana Jones movies in his youth. When first seen, he’s being pursued by Thai criminals intent on retrieving the rare painting he has just purloined. It’s one of six famous Renaissance paintings Luke needs because they contain clues to the location of the Fountain of Youth. He and his gang have been hired by Owen Carver (Domhnall Gleeson), a dying billionaire with endless funds to finance their globetrotting adventures.

Luke’s next stop is to steal a Rembrandt painting at the British museum where his sister Charlotte (Natalie Portman) works as a curator. The siblings, who haven’t seen each other in over a year since the death of their father, instantly launch into the sort of familial bickering passing for humor. But Charlotte inevitably gets caught up in the mission, later even bringing her young son Thomas (Benjamin Chivers) along to reinforce the fact that this is a family action-adventure movie.

Along the way, they’re pursued by the fierce Esme (Stanley Tucci (Krasinski’s real-life brother-in-law), who’s briefly on hand to lend the proceedings some fake gravitas. Although Esme is clearly a deadly warrior who nearly kills Luke several times, the pair engage in the sort of adorable flirtation from which even James Bond has moved on.

Also hunting Luke and Charlotte around the world is Inspector Abbas (Arian Moayed), a relentless Interpol agent who, judging by his procession of gorgeously tailored outfits, clearly enjoys a lavish clothing, not to mention travel, allowance. 

It’s all as predictable as you’d expect, with the screenplay by James Vanderbilt failing to provide the wit necessary to make the film stand out in any way. (One exception, an exchange between young Thomas and billionaire Owen about what it’s like to be obscenely rich, stands out).

To be fair, there are some excellent set-pieces, including that sequence set aboard the Lusitania, in which Luke and Charlotte nearly meet a watery death, and a knife fight between Luke and Esme in the Austrian National Library that can only be described as whimsical. Ritchie, of course, is no stranger to this sort of thing, and manages to inject welcome doses of humor into the non-stop action.

Krasinski employs his trademark charisma, physicality and light comic touch to fine effect, but his character doesn’t feel believable for a moment. And while Portman throws herself into the action sequences with admirable gusto, you get the feeling this is strictly a paycheck venture for her. The always interesting Gleeson has some fun moments as the billionaire who’s not quite what he seems, but the CGI special effects barrage he’s subjected to in the film’s kitschy final act does him no favors.

By the time it concludes with the inevitable hinting at potential sequels, Fountain of Youth just seems desperate in its attempt to launch a viable film franchise for its streaming host.