Senior Wellness Reporter, HuffPost
For several days, people all over the country (killed at a speaking event in Utah in September.
The infamous hug happened at a Turning Point USA event at the University of Mississippi, where Vance was a featured speaker. In a video of the exchange, Erika Kirk and Vance are seen hugging tightly with their bodies pressed up against each other. At one point, Kirk brings her hand up to Vance’s hair, and when the hug eventually ends, Vance’s hand drops to Kirk’s hip.
“That’s a Nicholas Sparks kind of hug right there,” said one creator on Instagram — and body language experts don’t disagree. Here’s what they think of the exchange:
One of the standout moments of the Kirk-Vance interaction is Kirk’s hand placement; she physically holds Vance’s head and has her fingers in his hair during their onstage hug.
“That’s a super-intimate move, but beyond that, it controls his attention — so, she’s controlling what he’s looking at,” said Traci Brown, a body language expert and behavior analyst.
“In the hug, also, they’re pressed up against each other, he is smiling, and the little crème de la crème on the sexual aspect of that interaction, besides the pelvis placement, is she’s running her hands through his hair,” said Patti Wood, a body language and nonverbal communication expert and author of “SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma.”
“She’s got her hands inside of his hair, and if you look at the fingers, there’s a tightening, that’s a curling around of the fingers, meaning she is pulling him closer,” said Wood.
This move shows affection, said Karen Donaldson, a communication and body language expert. “It suggests, or signals, she’s comfortable. And there’s some type of familiarity there. He’s familiar to her as well,” Donaldson explained.
Vance didn’t pull away from her embrace and “his facial expressions are positive,” Wood said. “So, he’s into it,” Wood said.
The other stand-out moment from this interaction is Vance’s hand placement on Kirk’s waist during their hug. “His hands drop to her hips, and that is not formal, and that is, in many instances, not appropriate. However, it’s what they’re doing,” Brown said.
Kirk doesn’t recoil when this happens, “so, there is much more going on ... could it be a deep friendship? Yeah. Could it be more than that? Absolutely. Is there any one move that says, ‘Hey, they’re a couple now?’ No, there’s not,” said Brown.
Professional touch tends to be higher on the body — think shoulder pats and handshakes. “When we go just below the lower part of your ribs, that’s someone’s intimate space. That signals that there’s a connection, but it’s a little bit more on the intimate side,” Donaldson said.
Intimate space doesn’t always mean romantic, though, Donaldson added.
In body language analysis, there’s something called proxemics, which is how experts read the amount of space between people, according to Donaldson. This is used to determine how someone is feeling, their power and their connection to those in their space.
In an impersonal interaction, people are typically 12 to 25 feet apart; in a social space (like a networking group), folks tend to be about 4 to 12 feet apart; personal space (like with a friend or coworker you’re fond of) is 1 to 4 feet, she explained.
“When we talk about intimate space, we’re talking really close. Usually within a foot and all the way up to touching,” Donaldson said.
People who fall in our intimate space zone can be romantic partners, but can also be those who are in your close emotional support system, such as a best friend, she said.
In the case of Vance and Kirk, they’re “150%” in each other’s intimate space, Donaldson said.
“They’re facing each other directly and they are in each other’s intimate space — and what I want to say about that is it’s mutual, because no one’s pulling away,” she added.
This signifies closeness and a “heavy emotional connection,” Donaldson said.
She stressed that, once again, intimate space can refer to close friendships and romantic relationships.
There are a range of behaviors that are “normal” in grief, loss and trauma — no two people grieve the same way, according to Wood.
When it comes to personal space, there is an amount of distance that’s “normal” to give someone who is grieving, she added.
“Strangely, if somebody is dealing with grief, most of the time people leave space,” Wood said, adding that generally, people leave about 2 feet between themselves and someone who is grieving.
“They don’t approach a person in grief at a close rage,” she said.
In the case of Vance, he did approach Kirk in a close range, which could potentially indicate a few things.
“Typically, the only dearest, closest people feel super comfortable going into face-to-face full body [connection],” said Wood.
Donaldson noted that Vance and Kirk are “touching chest to chest and pelvis to pelvis.” This closeness and this kind of hug can indicate emotional connection as well, said Donaldson.
Overall, given everything, this type of interaction would “create attention” and a “media story,” Wood said ― and it has.
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There are no signs of discomfort from either party; it was likely a choice on both of their parts to partake in this kind of hug on a world stage, she noted.
“Think about how much media is concerned about these two people and the event when everything else is going on,” Wood said.