If you’re not familiar with Minis, they’re the absolute smallest size of Reese’s. They’re different than the MiniATURES, of course, which are slightly bigger and individually wrapped. But you would never get something like that confused. The ratios on these Mini bad boys ends up being about 50% peanut butter, 50% chocolate. Very solid.

The reason the Minis top the bill for the white chocolate products is because, since they are so small, each bite gives you the least amount of white chocolate. Not to belabor the point, but white chocolate is an abomination.

Seems like a great idea, right? Mini cups, Pieces, peanuts, and pretzels in a trail mix-style format? I really like the idea behind this. The problem, however, is that the peanuts are weak. Not sure where they even got these peanuts, but they’re just no good, and they make up about 50% of a bag of Snack Mix. How does a company famous for peanut-based products have such mediocre peanuts? HOW?

Listen to me, and listen well. If you pronounce this product “Reesies Peesies” you need to be sent to jail. You know damn well his name is Reese, and you know double damn well there ain’t no such thing as a peesie.

Sorry for yelling. Back to the matter at hand. I’m actually shocked at how low I’m ranking Reese’s Pieces. I remember loving them a lot. However, upon adult reflection, they’re missing a crucial ingredient, and one that I was shocked to discover was completely absent. There is no chocolate in Reese’s Pieces. Weird, right? I could have sworn they were half peanut butter, half chocolate. But nope. Double ’em up with M&Ms and you got yourself a helluva snack. Without the chocolate, you're misremembering they fall supremely flat.

Pastel eggs are slightly larger and encased in a crunchier shell than classic Pieces, but other than that they aren’t much different. The thicker and crunchier shell makes a difference though, and sort of evens out the peanut butter. As with the rest of the Pieces, though, they need some chocolate to fully balance things out. At the end of the day, it’s hard to eat more than a few of these without craving chocolate.

These are good. They’re fine. Once again, they’re just your standard Reese’s Cups, but super tiny. Truly bite size. This means that A) each one has a lot less flavor because of its tiny little size, and B) the likelihood of overeating is a lot higher. If you’re in the mood for a Reese’s Cup, there’s pretty much no reason to reach for these.

This product is all over the map. We’ve got the usual thin layer of chocolate surrounding peanut butter as with the Trees and Hearts, but for some reason the Pieces inside are very unevenly spread out. I opened up three different Eggs and in each one, the Pieces seemed to be all shoved to one side. If this is on purpose, I really don’t get it. This would be like if somebody made you a burrito but decided to put all the salsa at the very bottom. It just doesn’t work.

In theory, these should have been stone cold killers. The trees are working with a heavy peanut-butter-to-chocolate ratio, so the idea of some Pieces to crunch danced through my head like sugarplums. Unfortunately, despite a fairly sizable tree, the Pieces aren’t even whole themselves. Each one is broken into about three or four smaller bits, so the crunch is hard to come by. Every bite or so, you’ll feel a small crunch in the back of your mouth, but it’s hardly satisfying. This wasn’t just a one Tree issue; this happened in every single Tree I tasted. Why not use full, unbroken Pieces, Reese?

It’s basically like what a Butterfingers would taste like if somebody made it wrong.

The Nutrageous seems to be Reese’s version of a Snickers. Instead of nougat though, we’ve got the Reese’s peanut butter center. If that sounds good to you, it’s because it is good. It’s important to keep in mind with this ranking that just because something is ranked low, that doesn’t make it a bad product. We’re dealing with Reese’s here, and most of this stuff is excellent. But only a few things can rank supreme. Snickers has some VERY big shoes to fill. If you want something like a Snickers, just, you know, get a Snickers.

If you’re the person who say Reese’s has too much chocolate, look no further than Trees. They’re quite long, and the chocolate is found in a very thin layer that coats the outside of the tree-shaped log. Peanut butter is the unabashed star of this product. I myself like a ratio that’s a bit closer to being equal, so while Trees are definitely good, they are very middle of the road and thus, find themselves near the middle of this ranking.

I didn’t expect much from the Clusters. Pecans aren’t quite my jam, but nevertheless I put my biases aside for the sake of this very important research -- and I was rewarded. Clusters are a freaking knockout. The way the caramel stretches out after you take a bite brings about the fond memories of a Twix bar, or perhaps a Milky Way if you’re the one person on Earth who has fond memories of a Milky Way. The pecans are a non-issue, too. They only add to the pleasant crunching experience. A slightly-more-PB-than-chocolate ratio rounds the whole thing out, and my friends, we have ourselves a hit. Exponentially better when cold, too.

I think I’ve made it clear by now how much a crunchy element works in a Reese’s product. Well, here to answer your crunchy prayers and elevate the salty/sweet thing to new heights is Reese’s Dipped Pretzels. Holy hell, these things are good. They’re made with Snyder’s, too.

There’s a sneaky little trick going on inside the Peanut Butter Lovers Cup. Yes, the middle is full of peanut butter and only the outside ring is chocolate, but it’s the top of the Cup that has me completely smitten. It’s almost like a peanut buttery fudge situation. It looks just like (and has the same consistency of) the top of a regular Cup, but the color is a beautiful caramel-beige and the flavor is somewhere between peanut butter and chocolate. It’s superb. Go buy one of these things right away.

An obvious nod to Reese's across-the-pond cousin the Cadbury Crème Egg the Peanut Butter Crème Egg is very tasty. The peanut butter inside, despite being referred to as “Crème”, is actually very close to the consistency of real, store-bought peanut butter. If you crack one of these sonsabitches open, you can legitimately scoop some out with your finger, which I consider to be one of the great joys of real peanut butter. Another wonderful thing the Crème Eggs have going is that one is legitimately enough to satisfy you. In a world of 1lb Bunnies and 8oz Hearts, it’s a breath of fresh air to have a normal, human being-sized portion.

I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong by ranking this miracle snack so highly. It’s clearly a collaboration with Hershey, so half of the credit is most certainly due in that direction. Technically speaking though, Reese’s is a product of the Hershey company, so I don’t see anything too wrong with this. Synergy!

That said, this is a phenomenal candy bar. My gripes with Pieces have always been that there isn’t any chocolate to accompany them. If you agree that this is a problem, please direct your attention to this very product. The Pieces in the bar are fully formed and unbroken, which is more than I can say for half of the products that say “Stuffed With Pieces.” This thing is almost like a Crunch or Krackel bar, except that with each crunch you get the flavor of a little bit of peanut butter. This thing is money.

Because Miniatures are the perfect size. That’s why. Pop one in your mouth for the exact serving you require. No chocolate on your fingers. No need to put a half bitten Cup down. Everything about the Miniature Cup is flawless. The way the gold foil unwraps easily. The way as soon as you open it, BAM, there it is, just sitting there, like a brand-new Apple product. The little Bart Simpson-headed morsel of chocolate and peanut butter just waiting to explode onto your tastebuds.

Remember how bananas the Twitter.